Mind the Mind

I just came from a three-day vacation in Bantayan Island. It was very relaxing. I went there with two friends, Fritz and Jehan. Chris and Jobelle followed the next day. We went to Ogtong cave but other than that we didn't do anything fancy. It was just what I wanted in a vacation... stress-free.

I realized I was getting the habit of going to weekend vacations. Two weekends ago I was in Bohol with my batchmates. Previous to that I went to San Remegio with a friend. To think that I should go into a vacation spree at a time when I am confronting very, very big problems.

I wish I could say that I only have one big problem to solve. Unfortunately it is multi-faceted. I am worried about my sister who is looking for work in Dubai. I am also worried about my parents and siblings in Davao. There are also things around me that is causing me a lot of stress, mostly not related to each other.

Lately, I was surprised to hear people tell me that I have become very serious. I hear this from people who see me everyday but I don't hang really hang out with. I have been trying to keep my composure but I guess the strain is showing.

I must admit that my situation has put my best talent to the test. My ability to solve problems is something I consider a gift which only I can fully understand. In fact, it has become a source of amusement for me. I am not referring to simple word problems in school but the real life problems.

Thinking through problems require a vast use of my mind's "resources." It almost has a will of its own, like it is already programmed. Many times I end up reflecting back on my actions to understand how I solved a problem. It seems that my "consciousness" can't cope with the thinking process. The process has become instinctive. All that my conscious mind needs to do is to define the problem, the rest comes naturally.

Looking back, I realized that my sudden decisions to take weekend breaks is my mind's sort of "defensive mechanism". I need it to have a clear mind so I can think through these problems. So I gues I wasn't trying to be hedonistic or care free or irresponsible.

I am not trying to say that I am such a genius to be talking about the workings of my mind. I don't think that this "mind-work" is something unique in me. I believe everyone has it. I just simply learned how to deal with it. It's quite troublesome to explain though...